Thursday, September 16, 2010
Let's talk about...
So we go to family therapy and the therapist wants to talk about what we can do to make things "more comfortable" at home. First of all, I'm thinking get rid of a few people and tape up some mouths...but I can't do that. So, she goes around the room and starts asking questions and no one wants to answer her. Why? Well we have nothing really nice to say at the moment. Everyone wants to complain about what the other one did wrong. The arguing between everyone is making me nuts. How do other families do it? How do they get along ALL the time? If I could just get everyone to shut-up and stop complaining about each other, life would be great! I guess to do that, we would have to get to the root of the problems and fix them. Makes sense doesn't it? Well the therapist doesn't want anyone complaining or "blaming" each other for things. She just wants everyone to let it all go and be kind to each other. WTF??? How the hell is that going to happen when the root of the problem is not stopped? The root of the problem keeps doing things to piss everyone off and needs to be fixed so no one keeps hating it. I thought these therapists were supposed to know what they are doing. Ignore it and it will go away...LMFAO! Nothing just goes away! I mean come on, if you have a crazy dog trying to attack you, do you just stand still and look the other way and hope it doesn't chew your ass off? Give me some ideas people. How do I get the kids to stop fighting?
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You draw a stick figure...then with arms/hands out you draw a basket in each hand...then you label bricks with some of the issues that are causing the pain/hurt/anger (example..I don't feel loved, so and so did this, etc). Load those labeled bricks up in the one basket. Now, for the other basket you label bricks showing how you/they are "Matching the pain, anger, hurt etc" with their OWN actions/feelings "WEIGHT" (example...get angry, drink, yell, hate, etc) and you load those bricks up in 2nd basket...Now have them look at their little person all weighed down with both hands holding baskets of weight in their lives...You can't ever move forward in any true happiness with all that weight...it will always be a struggle! So, what needs to be done is the labeled bricks in the first basket need to be given back to where they came from (verbalized)(example, telling a person they were not there for you and it hurt you and that is their problem and you don't want to walk with it anymore, etc)
ReplyDeleteSometimes we tend to argue and get lost in them...when it is as simple as writing down a feeling or pain on a "Brick" (piece of paper) and then standing back and seeing how you yourself have "Matched that pain" with your OWN brick "Weight". We don't want to let go and want all the answers to the "Whys" when in fact there are no real answers. So lets think....if we won't let go of OTHERS issues and match them "pain for pain" we are saying "I won't move forward cause you can't move forward"
That's a good idea to solve some of the problems, but there are so many more issues. I need more ideas for more problems too, so keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteI'll give this one a try for starters and see how that works. I'm always open to new ideas/methods and willing to try anything at this point to get my family to all get along.
When the kids keep doing things over and over, how do you get them to stop it when one parent doesn't see it as an issue, and the other one does?